Saturday, April 6, 2013

[Personal Update] Oh, Despair

(c) Dia Pelaez 2013
This is an angsty post by a law student. 
You have been warned.

I'm an optimistic person. I prefer to look at the bright side than dwell on the negatives. This is probably the reason why I rarely get angry or depressed over setbacks and roadblocks.

Also, very few things can make me cry. I've always known that crying will not do anyone good because it doesn't solve the problem, and it makes one look weak. This is probably why people often mistake me for being cold and indifferent when I'm simply being logical and practical.

So then, imagine my surprise when in the middle of studying for an important exam, I suddenly felt the urge to cry. (Hoho. Cue dramatic music.) I was literally in the middle of reading my reviewer and notes, when I suddenly felt this rapidly sinking feeling inside my chest.

My only defense is, despite being overly optimistic and practical, I guess I'm still very much human, and thus, I am entitled to vent my humongously numerous frustrations.

I feel like I'm being backed up against a very high wall and I have nowhere to go. In my entire life, I have never felt this way, except when I started law school. I have never felt so stupid, so inadequate and so desperately lacking despite putting in lot of effort. I have never worked so hard in my entire life, and yet, the results aren't as positive as I hoped. Although I fare better than some of my classmates, I'm still barely passing.


I have no choice but to push myself harder. Giving up is simply not an option.

Oh, and I didn't really cry. I felt the urge to cry but I didn't. I wrote this blog post instead. Then, I indulged myself to a piece of heaven in a cup of creamy coffee mixed with Cadburry. (Would have been better if it had cinnamon sticks in it. Oh, well.)

I'm good, and I'll be okay.

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